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Codependency

Updated: Mar 1


The women of Daughters of the Soil trip to Ghana 2019


"Africa changes you forever, like nowhere on earth. Once you have been there, you will never be the same. But how do you begin to describe its magic to someone who has never felt it?"

I have decided to focus on the co-dependence in the seventh room because many people are unaware when they are in a co-dependent relationship. The seventh room represents hidden aspects or hidden things.


That’s because unhealthy partnerships based on co-dependence are often mistaken for healthy relating.


Co-dependent relationships are not limited to romantic relationships or the relationships with our family or friends. We can play out co-dependent relationships in our businesses and with our work colleagues.


Why is it so important to understand co-dependence when pursuing a soulful life?

I believe that It is difficult to live soulfully when our relationships are co-dependent.


Melody Beattie, the bestselling author of Beyond Co-dependency, defines co-dependency as being in a relationship that is based on control. A co-dependent person is one who maintains relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent, or engaging in undesirable behaviours, such as narcissism.


Dupont and McGovern (1991) argue that co-dependent individuals “... share the responsibility for the unhealthy behaviour, primarily by focusing their lives on the sick or the bad behaviour and by making their own self esteem or sense of self validation and well- being contingent on the behaviour of the unhealthy family member, business partner or work colleague.”


In my fashion business, I was co-dependent with some of my clients. They were the ones treating me badly, not appreciating the work I did and never paying me on time. I also became co-dependent to one of my staff members. He was extremely abusive and rallied all my other staff around him. Instead of firing him, I tried to appease him and get him on side. Co-dependency can give us a false sense of power or being in control – but it’s exactly that, false.


If we are acting out of co-dependence, it is difficult to know peace as we are dependent on the other person behaving in a way that makes us feel comfortable, happy or safe. We cannot live soulfully in this case.


With whom are you playing out a co-dependent relationship?

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